I recently got a burr in my saddle to write a best selling book on Leadership. This is a really good idea, especially since I happen to be a Leader myself.
"How do I know if I am a Leader?" you may ask. If you have to ask, then you are not a Leader. Real Leaders™ already know they are Leaders, see? No, of course not. You wouldn't understand because you're not a Leader.
People not understanding is a big problem for Leaders. But that's why we're the Leaders and they're not. Leaders understand. They understand because they lead. That's what Leaders do, see? Oh, of course you don't.
Because people don't understand anything, we Leaders have to tell them when they're wrong. This is important because it reminds people why we're the Leaders and they're not. Because they don't understand, they forget that we're the Leaders. You must constantly remind them so they will remember their wrongness.
People also ask dumb questions like "why" and "why not?" This is because they're Troublemakers. Only Troublemakers ask questions like that. When asked Troublemaker Questions, you can respond with "because that's the way it is" or "we've always done it that way" or "you'll understand when you're older" or "you'll understand when you have more experience." They won't, of course, but they won't understand that. Troublemakers never do.
Sometimes the Troublemakers get dumb ideas. You will know someone has a dumb idea when they say something like "hey, why don't we do this instead?" or "what if we tried this?" Being Troublemakers, they don't understand why-it-is-the-way-it-is and why-we've-always-done-it-that-way. If they understood those two important things, they would already be Leaders and wouldn't need to ask Troublemaker questions.
In these sorts of situations, you can respond with "we've already tried that and it didn't work." This isn't exactly true, but that's okay because everything a leader does works already. That's why we're the Leaders. We already know their idea won't work because we're not already doing it. There's really no point in trying something that won't work. In a way, our not doing it proves that it won't work, and that's all the trying that needs done.
Leaders do things that work, not things that don't work. That's why Troublemakers are never Leaders. Troublemakers just want to Cause Trouble. But Leaders don't make trouble. And Leaders don't try things. Leaders lead, and that's hard work, harder than Trouble Making, that's for sure. But I suppose only a Leader would understand that.
You can see I have a lot of things I know about being a Leader. I think this will be a really good book. I'm sure you'll agree. Those of you who are Leaders anyway.
Because I am a follower and not a leader I am looking for someone who knows how to be a leader and I read your whole article and you say you are a leader so you must be a leader because a person who isn’t a leader wouldn’t say (s)he is a leader – would (s)he?
I would be glad to buy your book to learn how to be a leader just like you. Then I can go back to my church and try to lead and I think it will work this time.
Please let me know when I can buy your book on Amazon cheep.
:)
man, i totally can think of a bunch of leaders who you could totally get to write chapters or give you leaderly quotations.
evil chutney, your book is going to rock.
Chutney, you rule!
(No, seriously, great leader. You rule.)
So you’re saying you’re the decider? You decide things. That’s what a decider does. I’m starting to catch on.
So, Chuts, you need a chapter on how to properly alter history in accordance with big brother. I.e. “We never told you that. How DARE you suggest we ever did?”
:::cackling madly:::
That will be THE gift book of 2007. Get right on it!
I just added capital letters everywhere. Helpful or no?
Absolutely. Because the moment I saw those caps, the chapter headings rolled right into mind and I was immediately ready to fall under the sway of your vision.
It’s beginning to look like the ability to lead depends upon the person’s degree of evil. Earthlings lust for blood, and run to follow a leader into war especially if they are convinced that death will bring great eternal rewards.
Are you kidding me? This was the worst description of a leader I have every read. A leader tries to get the best of all those around them for the greater good of the group. They do not remind people of their wrongness or discourage independant thought. If people never questioned authority society would be at a standstill, never progressing. You have just made a mockery of all great leaders and everything they stand for.
Um, Maren? There’s a word you’ll want to look up in your dictionary. It’s called “satire.”
And while you’re at it, look up “independent,” too. For the spelling, I mean.
Dammit! You beat me to it, PB!