We have some great and growing fellowship groups at my congregation, and from time to time I get asked how we do it, especially about the young adult group. This is the advice I give to folks at my congregation who want to start up a fellowship group that reaches a large range of people, such as a GLBT or generational fellowship group.

Three of our generational groups have 80+ active people (though you won’t see them all at any one event), and we have some new ones that I think our well on their way.  We’re a large congregation in a major metropolitan area, so your mileage may vary.  But I think these principles would work just as well for mid-sized congregations in mid-sized cities.

1. Find some co-leaders.  Find two or three more people who also think your new fellowship group is a good idea.  They should be willing to do their part to make it happen, whether that means helping you with administrative tasks like setting up a Yahoo group or just committing to clearing their calendar to come to the first three or four events so that there’s a critical mass.  If you don’t have this kind of support, it could still happen, but you’ve got an uphill battle on your hands.

2. Pick something and do it every month. You need some sort of regular, non-project way for folks to connect.  Do something so easy that it almost plans itself, like a second Sunday lunch, fourth Friday dinner and movie, etc., and regularly so that no one has to wonder what day and time it takes place this month.  Just make sure it doesn’t conflict with another regular social event at your congregation, unless you’re certain no one in that group is in your group’s target audience.

3. Be a fellowship group, not a committee. The idea here is that one or two persons can be in charge of picking the restaurant and/or venue (taking suggestions from the group, of course) and just let everyone know what the plan is.  A group discussion each time of where to go will just end up irritating people who don’t like committee meetings—which is exactly who you’re targeting with this—besides taking time away from fellowship, which is the whole point of your group.  As long as the person in charge is fair and uses other people’s suggestions, no one will mind it not being more democratic.

4. Publicize, publicize, publicize. Lead with the new regular social event in your publicity until it’s established (and maybe even after it’s established).  And do one-on-one publicity, not just the official routes. If your leadership team committed to clear the schedule for the first, say, three events, to bring a friend along with them, and to ask everyone  in the group they know personally, the week of—“hey, you going Friday night?”—you’ll probably have critical mass for it to carry itself forward indefinitely on its own energy.

5.  Avoid waiters. Restaurants with wait staff taking orders add an hour–or two!–to the dining time if you have more than ten people (and you should expect to have twice that many once you get going), which sours the experience right at the end. They also tend to cost more, which cuts out some folks.  Places where you order a burrito or a bowl of pasta at the counter or where there’s a good buffet are ideal because they’re fairly cheap, handle each customer individually at the register, and often have side rooms you can reserve for free. The point is fellowship, not a fine dining experience or a twenty-person game of split-the-check bistro math.

6. Don’t expect to know everyone. One of the great things about a large and growing fellowship group is that you meet new people every time you come.  Our 20/30s group has 80-100 active people, of which 20+ will be at any single monthly lunch, plus a handful of newcomers.  Seasonal parties see around half the group show up.  It would be tough for anyone to feel like they know everyone in the group.  If you start off expecting to know everyone in the group, you’re setting yourself up for a small fellowship group.  Small groups are great too, but they’re also hard for new people to break into.  Start off with a mindset that will set your group on the path toward growth.

7. Mingle, mingle, mingle. You don’t have to ignore your favorite peeps, but if you want to hang out just with them, don’t invite the rest of the congregation along.  If you just want to hang out with your five or ten favorite people, your effort doesn’t warrant space in the church newsletter or an announcement from the mic on Sunday morning.  I believe all UUs have a hidden talent for mingling—because I’ve seen dozens of introverted UUs mingle, time and time again! Unleash your inner mingler!

8. Add this, then that. After your group has gotten off to a good start, people are probably going to want to start doing more things together.  Great!  Whoever comes up with the idea is deputized to do it, as long as another two or three people are in it with them.  Let a thousand flowers bloom!

9. Share leadership. If you’re leading the monthly lunches, ask someone else to take over when you’re out of town, under the weather, or facing a big deadline.  Little things like asking someone to sub in for you build a sense of shared leadership.  If you’ve been leading something for a couple of years, ask yourself who else would enjoy leading it and do a good job.  Then slowly turn it over to them so that they can have their time in the sun.  Don’t let the group belong to any one leader.  Everyone should play their part in making the group run, however large or small their part may be.

10. Practice the ministry of landing pads. A great service that your fellowship group can provide is being the place where newcomers to your congregation make their first connections and start to put down roots.  Don’t get bogged down in conversations about that controversial line item in next year’s congregational budget or go on and on about how the minister talks about God too much (or not enough).  It’s great for new people to see that UUs can, and do, amicably disagree about important matters, but they’ll like it even better if you ask them about themselves and what brought them to your congregation in the first place. Another part of being a landing pad is that you’ll get people whose very first exposure to your congregation is your fellowship group; that is, they come to your group without having come to worship.  Be sure you’re putting your congregation’s best foot forward so that first timers will want to hang out on Sunday mornings too.

What other words of wisdom do you have to offer?  Having a good experience with your fellowship group?