Here’s an idea. UUs should start doing regular love feasts.
“Love feasts”—also called “agape feasts“—are a simple sharing of food and drink as a celebration of community.1 They are an ancient tradition from the Early Church that are sometimes connected to communion, sometimes not.
My own experience of love feasts comes from my college fraternity. I was a member of a houseless Christian service fraternity that celebrated monthly love feasts. They were well attended—and usually interrupted by side splitting laughter.
Here’s how they worked. It was a stripped down version. To celebrate we needed four things.
- A room
- A large loaf of bread
- A cup of water
- Matthew 25:31-46, the parable of the sheep and goats2
We’d stand in a circle, and the president would read the passage from Matthew. The water and bread would make their way around the circle. Sometimes we’d each say a word or two about where we were in our lives; other times it would go around in silence.
The key thing was how we received the bread and the water. The person whose turn it was would hold the cup of water. Then the person who had just received would tear off a piece of bread, dip it in the water, and put in their brother’s mouth.
It was very important that it be a large loaf of bread because the pieces we would tear off were usually just a little too big to chew—but big enough to stuff in someone’s mouth.
Love feasts bound us together as a community. Brothers who were no longer dues paying members were a small but steady presence, as were brothers who had left school—as alumni or otherwise. People hungered for the ritual. People came even when they weren’t on speaking terms with another member, and a few times they even helped to heal wounds.
The month to month repetition also provided the ritual backbone to make the fraternity a radically open community. In conservative Oklahoma City, our Christian fraternity grew to welcome gay members and members of other religious traditions. Reading the Matthew passage every time helped too.
How could this flavor of love feasts play out in UU circles, congregational or otherwise?
- Love feasts can be made to celebrate—and even help to create—actively, radically open community. Breaking bread together at an open table celebrates Unitarian Universalism. A different reading would help here too
- Love feasts don’t require any particular organizational form. You don’t need a congregation. All you need are a few people, and bread and water. Wherever two or three are gathered.
- If love feasts became widespread, they would become a ritual that marked continuing commitment to Unitarian Universalism and Unitarian Universalists. People would long for them.
- Love feasts be an newcomer-friendly ritual for those first exploring Unitarian Universalism.
- Love feasts could be a great resource—or better—for emergent UU groups.
Love feasts are also a YRUU tradition. It’s an activity listed in the “Deep Fun” resource of community-building games.
There are a few cautions before doing a love feast:
“Love Feasts have the potential for both great positive and negative outcomes. Taking part in Love Feasts can be a very intimate act, and participants may feel uncomfortable or unsafe feeding others or being fed. Adult advisors, for example, set boundaries between themselves and youth to ensure a safe community. There may also be survivors of sexual violence and other traumas in our communities, and it is important for them and all participants to feel safe and comfortable. An important and valuable option for Love Feasts that has worked in the past is to have participants feed themselves. This is accountable to people who may not feel comfortable feeding or being fed by another person. Make sure you talk to advisors ahead of time and check their comfort levels with feeding or being fed by youth.”
These cautions are not just youth-only concerns. We have adult members who have survived sexual abuse and other traumas as well.
The Deep Fun resource has a slightly different description for this commmunity-building activity:
“Parameters: 15 to 60 people and a room or space that it is OK to mess up, and that can be closed off to the group while you prepare.
Materials: Honey, cheese and chocolate fondue; fruit, bread, vegetables cut into bite-sized pieces, any other appropriate foods you can think of, candles, a boom box, and a table.
Set the food up on the table, light the candles, put on some soft, mellow music. Make sure the room has a soothing ambiance. Gather the group outside the room, or in a space away from the table. Explain the guidelines for a Love Feast: Remain silent; respect another’s right to refuse an offered piece of food by holding a hand over their mouth. Lead them into the space and set them loose (Note: Love Feasts often result in food-fights. You can dissuade this from happening by making a covenant with the group before-hand, or let it happen if there is a source of water nearby)”
Yeah, the food fight concern was what I was going to bring up. Actually, using just bread and water probably cuts down on that a lot.
I’ve attended one of these – at an Opus gathering in Taos, New Mexico. It was organized by a member of the young adult community named Persephone Azadeh. Although I am not into having other people feed me, it was an incredible experience – really wonderful. It was pretty hygenic, beautiful layout, and absolutely nothing close to a food fight happened (thank goodness!).
while i love the idea of giving money to charity, i’ve always sort of wanted WW to be like this. there really is no bread for the sake of breaking bread together.
folks do love the flower communion…
While the ceremonial aspects are great, I’m sorry but bread dipped in water sounds yukky.
When I read your reminiscent account of your fraternity love feasts, I was immediately back in the day of my own Christian women’s service sorority gatherings. It may mean little to you–or maybe not–but to me I speak volumes to myself when I realize I wish I’d been able to be in your fraternity instead of my sorority. I perceived (or maybe built myself) a big wall between myself and my sisters, but you guys always seemed to be so close and having so much fun.