Every wonder what ministers don’t learn in seminary? Quite a bit that you’d think they would need to know. I compiled this incomplete list with my pal Silver Tongued Devil, a fellow seminary graduate. All of these are from our own seminary experiences or those of close friends. Please add your own at the end, and if you take exception to any, please tell us where the good stuff happened.
- How to fire a volunteer.
- How to start a church.
- How to run a committee meeting.
- How to work with the contractor who is fixing the leaky roof you inherited.
- How to write a budget.
- How to hire church staff.
- How to write a business plan.
- How to write by-laws.
- How to work with a board.
- How to write a grant.
- How to monitor and maintain healthy relational boundaries.
- How to do a funeral.
- How to raise money.
- When to call a committee meeting.
- When to cancel a committee meeting.
- When to disolve a committee.
- How to nurture congregational leadership.
- How to delegate responsibly.
- How to dress like a minister when you’re not at church.
- How to market an MDiv for a nonchurch job.
- How to create appropriate, measurable goals for a congregation.
- What the boundaries of political speech are for a nonprofit organization.
- How to do income taxes as a minister.
- How to lead by stepping back.
- How to not go crazy when you’re single and thirty and there are no single thirty-year-olds within 100 miles of your parish.
- How to conduct worship when there are no musicians.
- How to live in poverty with dignity.
- [Fill in the blank]
(In all fairness, we did learn a lot about Qohelet’s hidden utopia in the first chapter of Ecclesiastes. And something about liberatory post-structural exegesis too.)
Oh boy, how true. Especially #20.
I’m sorry to say, my seminary experience allowed me to learn ALL of those things, except for #27, which I don’t particularly care to learn.
Some of the learning was in classes. Some was in being active in a congregation while in seminary. Some was in field ed and internship experiences. And all of these are things that one can’t exactly “learn” without practice practice practice.
My theological school teachers and mentors encouraged me to find learning experiences where they were – not exclusively from text books and lectures. Apprenticeship, work, collegial conversations, course at affiliated schools and centers, continuing education events, denominational workshops – as the Starr King School catalogue once said “work done, credit given.” I think that is a wicked smart, progressive educational approach!
You won’t learn a lot of this in the seminary classroom, yes. However, some of this I brought with me just from being active in my church (anything having to with a committee or board structure) — lessons my pastor insisted I learned before I left, once he knew of my aspirations (I’ll admit it’s possible not all prospective seminarians have as nurturing a pastor in their lives).
A lot of this came out of internship, which I consider seminary since it’s required for my degree — but everyone’s going to learn something different in their individual settings. And If I felt I wasn’t getting something from my internship site, I had no reservations about (a) letting my supervisor know or (b) ruthlessly picking the brains of my colleagues in the area.
My seminary could stand to offer a church administration course (no seminary in the Chicago cluster has one, we’d pack the classroom). My seminary could stand to be more explicit with their students about what they’ll need to pursue outside the classroom (that being said, the MFC is pretty up front with first years about what they’re looking for in a candidate’s education, which is a good place to start).
This list would be helpful to new students (and some current ones). Perhaps it should make the rounds of the Aspirants listserv?
Hooray for good seminaries and instructors. A number of them do a good job.
I don’t think the list is supposed to serve as a laundry list of the seminary’s failings. I attended a couple of really fine institutions. I think what I wanted to point out with my contributions to the list is that there is no special gnosis that I picked up roaming the halls of the seminary that would qualify me to be a good pastor. I can do biblical exegexis and I am happy that I have that knowlege. The point is the stuff I got in seminary along with my gifts and graces for ministry, along with training I have received on the job have all prepared me for the work I do in the world. A degree from Starr King or Candler or BU is wasted on someone without the gifts and graces for ministry. I would give you specific examples, but this blog is widely read and I don’t want some of my seminary classmates to know that I think they suck at being pastors.
Well put, Silvie. Ministerial transubstantiation and all that.
The thing is if you bought any seminary professor who’s worth a damn 2 beers they would admit that this list is 80% correct.
[…] Chutney published his list of “28 Things They Won’t Teach You In Seminary.” […]
Like John, I’d have to cross some of these off of my list (but all of the ones I would cross off would be due to internship– and not my seminary education. I make a distninction there that John does not.)
I would build off of #26 and add:
28. How to plan and conduct worship WITH musicians.
29. How to sing the standard (and non-standard) hymns in our hymnals.
30. How and when to use district and denominatial resources.
31. How to balance the demands/call of ministry with the demands/call of family.
32. How to plan an installation or an ordination.
32. How to work in a multi-minister congregation (team ministry).
33. …and more I’ll probably think of later…
[…] Chutney’s 20 Things They Won’t Teach You in Seminary. […]
Great list! Very true for most of those. I think it’s just a part of ministry that requires many of the lessons to be learned first hand. Some of those things, however, I did learn in Bible college such as how to conduct a meeting, How to write a budget, How to work with a board, How to delegate responsibly, and How to nurture congregational leadership. Of course, what we were taught in college was just the beginning of those topics. Obviously very little can be taught to its fullest extent in any classroom.
But for the record, marketing an MDiv for a non-church job is basically impossible. At least, from what I’ve personally experienced.
[…] Making Chutney: Chutney made me laugh, ruefully, with his reflections on 28 Things They Won’t Teach You at Seminary. […]