Monty Python’s Terry Jones is understandably concerned that he doesn’t know where his son goes after choir practice; after all, “he might be going to anarchist meetings or Islamic study groups.” Confused about what to do about his quandry, Jones is applying Rumsfeld’s understanding of what torture is and isn’t to his problematic family situation:

What this means in understandable English is that if a parent, in his anxiety to know where his son goes after choir practice, does something that will cause severe pain to his son, it is only “torture” if the causing of that severe pain is his objective. If his objective is something else — such as finding out where his son goes after choir practice — then it is not torture.

Having yet to persuade his son to divulge his secret whereabouts after choir practice, Jones intends to follow the Rumsfeld model still more intentionally:

So I’m going to round up all the children in the neighborhood, chain them and set dogs on them. I might accidentally kill one or two — but I won’t have intended to — and perhaps I’ll take some photos of my wife standing on the dead bodies, and then I’ll show the photos to the other kids, and finally, perhaps, I might get to find out where my son goes after choir practice. After all, I’ll only be doing what the US administration has been condoning since 9/11.

(Hat tip to Wood S Lot.)